pixiechick_sw

Taking Leaps!

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 22:58:25 GMT

So, after my freak out yesterday, I was useless writing today. It seems like whenever stuff like that happens, writing gets blocked.

Well, to unblock it, I decided to take some leaps. So I did.

First, I decided I am going to go to my agent's retreat in April. I even found a roommate for the hotel! The day after tomorrow, I am going to be able to book my flight. I am so excited!

This morning, I asked the Universe if I should invest the money to go. I really wanted to go, but I wasn't sure if I should spend that much money on myself when we are still just getting on our feet with Tyler's new practice. I felt like the answer was yes, but just to make sure, I asked for a sign (I know, not usually a good idea), and I got one. I turned on my computer to find that I had sold $150 worth of Kindle covers--right then-right when I asked. I usually sell that many a month--not a minute. I got the sign and went with it.

One thing I like about my agent Erin, is that she seems to choose clients that are just nice people. I know I am going to get to know some kindred spirits there and I am looking forward to it. Also, I hope we can just wander around the city some. I LOVE wandering. I REALLY want to go to the Chicago Art Institute. I want to go to that today! Alas, I'll have to wait until April. Wow, everything is happening in April this year--book out, agent retreat--fun!

For the second leap of the day, I chopped off all my hair! I love it! I've been wanting to for a long time and when I tried to get in writing mode today, it just didn't work. I decided I would tend to my body and get out of my head for a while--at least the inside of my head.

I wanted to get a nice A-Line French bob--the kind of hair I can mess up running in the mountains, or dress up for the evening and either would work.

Here are some photos. Again, it looks much better in real life than in the photo. The photo makes it look a bit more conservative than it really is. The part I love best is the very cute back. It's really short and shaved at the bottom. It feels great! Charlotte said, "Mom you look so skinny with that haircut--and young!" So, yeah, right haircut for me. ;) I wish I had better pics of it, though. It took like a million takes to get this one and I got tired of me so this is the best we could get.

Before:

After:

Okay, I'm done taking leaps today. I think I'll take a bath and wash my new cute hair then make dinner.

In which Sarah has another crisis on the road to publication

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 00:46:06 GMT

So, I have been freaking out a little (if one can freak out "a little") the past few days. It all started Saturday afternoon. *Queue dream sequence music and shimmery flashback film transition...um...stuff*

Bree Despain had her release party for her book The Dark Divine Saturday afternoon at the Kings English Book Shop here in Salt Lake. Let me just say, Bree rocks! She said she was afraid, but she had such poise and had the entire place in rapt attention the whole time. I expect we will see some big things from her in the next little while, and I mean BIG.

Well, that's kind of where it all started, my crisis, that is. After her presentation was the part I fear most--mingling. I am a terrible mingler and even if I seem relaxed and even if I enjoy the company (which I very much do), I still hate it. I usually stay longer at these things because sometimes the group of us local writers goes out to dinner after, and that is where the fun is--Really Fun! That reminds me, I still owe James Dashner $7 for the piece of pie he bought me at Sara Zarr's latest book launch. Okay, anyway, I was mingling. The place was absolutely packed (go Bree!) and I knew I'd probably have to wait a couple of hours before we all got to go to dinner if it was going to happen. The prospect of mingling being drawn out for two hours was too much, so I left. Sorry, anyone I didn't get to say hi to. We'll have to get together in a non-mingling...um...event...thing soon.

As I was leaving, I was thinking about who's book comes out next, or rather, when will I get the chance to see my writer friends again at the King's English and mingle and hopefully go out to eat and visit. I suddenly realized, I'm next! At that moment, all my insecurities started flowing like non-alcoholic, non-caffeinated drinks at a Utah writers' after-launch-party dinner. I freaked out! I'm actually still freaking out. I'm going to list my insecurities about this here so possibly seeing them written out, I'll realize that they are just silly and I'm just worrying over nothing--maybe. At least if they don't go away from this exercise, I can recognize them again when all this neurosis again rears it's ugly head. Please tell me, all you writer friends, that you all feel the same or I'll feel really crazy.

Most of my insecurities about my writing career (and probably in life) pretty much spring from the same fear--being overlooked. I am not an attention hound. I come from a family of very social, very out there people who either don't mind the spotlight or love it. I am not like that. I don't need a lot of attention and I'm totally uncomfortable in the spotlight--but that doesn't mean that I don't need ANY attention or that I never want to be publicly rewarded for my hard work--it's just not why I do what I do, and I'm not going to grab for it. As a kid I was often overlooked because I didn't jump out and grab the spotlight like so many people around me did. Most of the time, I didn't mind, but with writing, something in me wants this to be what I show to the world. It matters to me if I am overlooked as a writer.

Here are my insecurities related to being overlooked in my writing that really surfaced after the launch party on Saturday:

1.) Bree had SOOOO many people at her launch. I don't expect I will fill the place--even though it is very small. I am starting to panic, as of Saturday, that no one will come when it's my turn. The writing community is VERY supportive around here and there are a lot of people cheering me on inside the community and outside, but that doesn't mean they will bother to take the time to come to a launch party. Yes, Like all of this, I know I'm being neurotic, but I'm at least being honest about my craziness. Besides, even if I did fill the place, think of all the mingling! ;) That's what I'm telling myself if no one shows up.

2.) I'm worried that my book will be overlooked because it is more quiet and old fashion than what is the current trend. I am always going to write what I love, whether or not it's popular. Ultimately, I write for myself, but that doesn't mean, I don't care if it does well or not. The closer it gets to the release date, the more desperate I am feeling for it to do well. At first, I was just delighted to be writing. Now I am still delighted to be doing it, but I'm feeling uncomfortable and unnatural Type A personality traits coming to the surface. Apparently, I don't ONLY care that I write a good book. I also want it to be successful. As a matter of fact, I want it to rock and kick butt and all of those things that I thought were meaningless in life, and I am starting to want it very badly. Type B, where are you? I need you! I'm starting to lose perspective!

3.) I'm worried that my book will get overlooked due to factors out of my control--like the cover. I am not allowed to say anything so I won't, but there have already been some scary possibilities as a result of the bad cover. I will say no more. If my book rocks and kicks butt according to critics, those scary possibilities will probably go away. Again, it all triggers my new unnatural Type A tendencies. I can only control what I can control. As far as the rest, I need to put it away and go walk in the mountains. If people don't like the book, they don't like it. That's fine, but if people who may love it, won't get to read it because of those scary possibilities beyond my control--that is another matter entirely.

Well, I think that's it. I think I need to focus on the book I'm currently writing. I need to walk in the mountains. I need to bake bread and play with friends all those things that ground me and make me feel my regular Type B self. It's crazy how the closer I get to doing what I've always wanted to do, the more issues come to the surface that I didn't realize were there--or how strong they were. I suppose ALL parts of the writing process, even waiting for the book to come out are kinds of therapy--or make me need therapy.

The thing is, I can waste all this time before my book comes out worrying and stressing that no one will notice it at all, or I can just write and enjoy. If I can quit worrying and my book IS overlooked, at least I can say I enjoyed the process. If it isn't overlooked then any worrying and stressing I did was for nothing. So that is my goal for now, not freaking out. I'm not sure how to pull it off. I guess I'm afraid that if I stop stressing over it, The Universe will forget me and not help my book get out there (apparently, my being overlooked issues go pretty deep). I know that's not how The Universe works, but still I behave that way. Must chill out and let Universe take over. Must drop all pronouns to make point that it is hard work for me...whoops, there was a pronoun. Must turn off computer and make dinner. Good night, all.

A New Decade

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 19:23:25 GMT

Here I am in the beginning of the 1970s. It isn't the exact beginning because I missed the first couple of years. During the 70s I was born, learned to walk and talk and all that. It ended as I started school.

Here I am in the beginning of the 1980s. I spent the 80s in school. I started writing and singing and doing music and I moved four times and lived in three different states.

Here I am in the beginning of the 1990s. I graduated from highschool in 1991 and spent the 90s becoming an adult. I went to college, worked, played a lot of music, got married, had two babies and moved many, many times.

Here I am in the beginning of the 2000s. I was pregnant with my last baby. I spent the 2000s tending my family, raising the kids, putting Tyler through law school, and all that goes along with it all. I also started writing novels in the 2000s. I learned what the internet was and bought my own first computer and the world opened up.

Here I am today (well, technically last night) at the beginning of the 2010s. This is the year I become a published author. Who knows what else the next ten years will hold. By the end, Tyler and I will be empty nesters, so A LOT is going to take place in our family in this decade. I hope the vast majority of it will be good. Time will tell.

I hope you all have a wonderful, eventful (in a good way), peaceful and happy decade!

2009 in words, music and pictures

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 18:35:25 GMT

So here we are at the end of 2009 already! I think if there was a phrase to describe this year for us it would be "it has begun." It was the year Tyler and I both started doing what we have wanted to do for years--and maybe a lot of our lives.

In January, I cut my classes down to one so I could start my editorial revisions. I started being a professional writer. In February, I got my first advance check. We paid off all our debts (except student loans and mortgage) and for the first time in our 15 years of marriage, feathered our nest a bit and started a decent savings.

In January, Tyler quit his night janitor job so he only had one job--being an animator. Money was tight and he hated doing what he was doing. He wanted to start his own law practice, but he just needed a kick to actually do it. Well, it happened because in June he lost his animation job.

It has been a stressful year as we watch our new lovely savings account get smaller and smaller and we got used to the unknown being a part of our daily lives. But it has been a good year because it is the beginning of doing what we always wanted to do.

At the end of the summer, I started using herbal progesterone cream and some of the health problems I've been having for three years greatly diminished. The panic attacks are much, much less and I dropped ten pounds instantly. I have more energy and feel more like myself. I started being able to get out and walk more like I love and to just be out more and enjoy. Also, a couple of weeks ago I got released from my nursery calling and got called as camp director for the girls in our ward. We got a new bishop in our ward and it feels like the ward stopped hibernating and woke up. It feels much better and much, much less stressful. That is definitely a good new beginning.

By the end of summer, Tyler's practice was up and running and he started working with a really good mentor. He is happier. I finished working on Palace Beautiful and for the first time saw ARCs of a book I'd written. I also started meeting new writer friends in the area and that has been wonderful! I began work on Artificial Night. Ellen started Jr High and Simon started finishing it up. Charlotte started at a new school. We are all moving and growing and things are going forward and forward.

If there was a picture to describe 2009, it would be this one. I took it in February. It is Charlotte touching the first crocus of the year.

I think it looks like this year because it is a picture of a new, fresh, tiny, vulnerable, delicate, but resilient flower. It isn't quite fully bloomed, but it is on it's way and pushing through the ice and snow of winter reaching for the sun. That is 2009 for us.

Last year, the song for the year was the crazy manic "Start Wearing Purple" and I said I hoped next year's song would be by Cat Stevens or Joni Mitchell or something like that. Well, it is. I think the song that sounds like 2009 is "The Wind" by Cat Stevens. The song sounds like something just emerging or beginning to move, like a butterfly unfolding it's new wings in the sun, then taking off. It's simple and uncomplicated, but says a lot with it's elegant simplicity.

I am grateful for 2009. It has been a hard year, but a year that has started us on the roads we wanted to be on. 2010 should be exciting and scary for us as Tyler moves on with his practice and hopefully we can get off unemployment and Cobra and start being all the way self sufficient. It is also the year my first book comes out. I am so excited and overwhelmed and counting the minutes and hoping I'm ready and all that. We'll see how it all pans out. Right now, I just want to sit on the couch, look out the window at the bright day with all the new snow and sun, and enjoy the last few hours of this beautiful, hard, providential, pivotal year.

Nice day with a Friend

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 03:30:56 GMT

I spent this afternoon with my friend Heather. I got to meet her new baby who is just so cute! We talked and talked for hours. The kids wanted to visit with us the whole time and hear stories about when we were teenagers together in Texas. I didn't think they would want to hang out with two moms when they could play wii or do whatever, but they did. It was kind of sweet. I kept telling them that they didn't have to hang out with us, they could go do whatever they wanted, and they said they wanted to just visit with us. It was a nice visit.

Heather and I have been friends for 22 years. That's crazy long. She lives right down the street from my other best friend Laura. In fact, she said that she and Laura sang a duet in church for Christmas. Hearing that made me really homesick for Texas. I don't even like it there, but those two girls are like my sisters and the fact that they see each other every week and I live in another part of the country makes me sad. It actually makes me sad for real. This evening when I told Tyler that they sang a duet for Christmas, I started crying. I am not a sentimental friend. I'm not mushy or emotional about my friendships generally. I like intellectual friendships, but for some reason, saying goodbye to Heather today made me sadder than usual.

It is interesting to me because I suddenly realized that my book I'm working on now Artificial Night is based on my own truth. I thought I was just making it all up. The MC Ruby has two best friends Amara and Gwen. They have been best friends for years and years. They do just about everything together, but at the end of the day, Amara goes home to her family full of sisters and Gwen goes home to her large family of siblings. Ruby goes home to an empty house, with only her Grandmother and herself.

Friends are friends, but they aren't sisters. I always kind of felt that way about Laura and Heather. They were like my sisters since I didn't have any, but the thing is, they both have sisters and I'm not one of them. I am certainly romanticizing the idea of sisters and I totally love my brothers and I wouldn't trade them for anything. Heck, if I had a sister, who's to say we'd even get along, but it is something I've always felt I missed out on. I'm giving Ruby a sister--you'll have to read the book and see what happens, but don't worry, in fiction we can make up for our own losses. It's not always perfect or what we expect because life isn't that way and neither is good fiction (and I am hoping that eventually this will be good fiction--eventually). I was just surprised that I was writing about part of my life and I didn't realize it. Duh. How come writing has to always be some kind of therapy? Why can't it just be fun?

I think I am going to learn some things about myself having this goal to be more social in 2010. Sometimes when a person asks the universe to help them understand why they do what they do, the universe begins to answer right away. I think that's what happened to me today. Even though the lesson was a little sad, I'll get over it, and I'm very happy the lesson involved having fun and spending the day with a wonderful old friend.

In which Sarah analyzes her social flakiness for the new year

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 06:19:02 GMT

So, I've noticed a pattern. Here is it. Are you ready? Here it comes:

I am a flake about friends.

No, I'm not putting myself down or labeling myself negatively--well, maybe I am, but it is about behavior and not definition. I should change that statement to "at times, part of me behaves like a flake about friendship."

The other pattern I noticed is that I don't really care that I behave that way until I've been at home with the kids by myself for a few weeks (like right now), or I have been way, way over introverting (like I am currently while I am delving into the depths of revision-land), or until I come out of my writing trance and notice that everyone seems to be hanging out with friends and having fun and it has been a crazy long time since I have done the same. Then I start worrying about my funeral. Who will show up? Probably a lot of people, but most of them I will have known in passing or got together with once a month when I felt up to it, or people I knew years ago when I was a kid or things like that. Probably most of them won't even know me, they will be friends of my brothers' or my dad's who are not at all flaky friends and live to be social.

I have had many BFFs in my life and here I am with my very first Erica Drummer. We used to love to play dress up together and dance to Disney records. As you can see, she had AWESOME dress up clothes--real dresses and hats that belonged to her grandma or something like that. Erica is in the green silk and I'm in the pink polyester. We had a lot of fun together until we moved away on my fist day of first grade.

I think I need to reevaluate my social life in 2010. The problem is twofold. First, I love being by myself. I seriously love it. That is when I do my creating, my unwinding, my energizing and shake off the tough stuff of the day (yes, I have chosen my profession wisely). Second, I actually need to be social to be happy, but it is easier to be not social and spend my free time by myself because, well, I love it.

I have two very best friends that I have had since I was fourteen Laura and Heather. They will forever hold the title of my Very BFFs, even if I get so flaky that I don't communicate with them for months at a time. I guess they are both kind of like me in that way. Good thing. Actually, I do wish I could see them more. I can tell I've been needing more social interaction lately because Laura and Heather both now live in the same neighborhood in Katy, TX where we lived when we were teenagers. I have been wanting to move back so I could play with my friends more often. The thing is, even if we did move to Katy, I'd still be flaky and we'd be so busy with our families we would probably hardly ever see each other.

Here is Laura and I when we were 16. The photo scanned funny and there is a smudge on Laura's nose. That is just the photo, not her.

Here are Heather and I a few years ago at the Paris Opera House. She was a dancer in earlier years and said she always dreamed of dancing at the Paris Opera House. Viola! I look terrible in that outfit. I should have stuck with the pink polyester.

Don't worry, I'm not feeling sorry for myself here. There are a million amazing people right outside my door. Our ward is full of fun women that I love and have a lot in common with. Utah has so many wonderful writers and they get together often and I only sometimes show up. I just need to jump in. I don't have any trouble finding or making friends. I just have trouble getting together with said friends--a lot of trouble. Seriously, the problem is 110% me. I do this no matter where I live or how many friends are out there just waiting. I just need to work social interaction into my weekly schedule--maybe my daily schedule--no, my weekly schedule is fine.

Maybe my problem is really numbers. If there were only two or three people I loved, I'd probably get together all the time, but when there are hundreds and they live all over the place, it is harder for me. I can only juggle a few friends at a time. I suppose I'm a BFF girl and not a social butterfly. It's hard for me to keep everyone in my consciousness at once. I've moved every few years my whole life and I'm not used to staying and keeping friends in a getting together way. I'm more used to getting a good friend, moving, then keeping up by phone or computer while trying to keep up with the friends from the place I lived before that and before that.

Tomorrow, Heather is in town and we are going to have lunch together. In a few days, Bree Despain is having her launch party for her book The Dark Divine so I get to go play with my writer friends. There are a few more things like that coming up in the next week or two. I need to just do it and have fun--because it IS fun. :)

Just so you all know. If I don't talk to you for a long time or make plans to get together, it doesn't mean I don't think about you often. I'm just flaky, that's all. We should get together sometime. I always mean that when I say it, I just don't often do something about it. I hope that will change some this coming year. Feel free to comment and suggest plans if you are a friend that lives close. It would be fun to get together and hang out. If not, maybe I'll take the leap and call you first. ;)

Christmas Recap

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:10:38 GMT

Well, Christmas is over. that was fast. I wonder why when Christmas is over, I am totally ready to move on. I always love having the tree up and the all the decorations and the table covered with treats from our neighbors, but as soon as Christmas is over, I'm ready to put it all away and move to the next thing. I always think that this year, I'll want a little extra time with Christmas, but when it's gone, I'm ready.

I love Christmas. It is my favorite time of year. I love new Winter. I love being with family. I love the break in the routine. I love the nice feeling of the holidays, but now I'm ready to get back into life. I'm sure by the end of the week when the kids will have been out of school for two weeks, I'll really be ready for the regular routine again.

We had a nice Christmas. It was lower key than usual and I'm glad. We used to have a bunch of things to go to--three separate school performances, work parties, parties for Tyler's grandmother, for his mother's side of the family, and a bunch for his dad's side. There used to be hardly any time left for just us. I HATED that. We only have the kids for a few more years and I always wanted Christmas to be about our family instead of only about the one Tyler grew up in.

Fortunately, things have toned down this past year. This year we only had two school performances, no work party, one party for Tyler's grandmother, one for his mom's side and two for his dad's. The family parties were also spread over the week so we only had one thing to go to on Christmas day and we had the rest of the day for just our family. It was really, really nice!

We got very spoiled this Christmas. Our neighborhood just burst out, overflowing with good cheer. Everyday--literally--starting 12 days before Christmas, someone left something on our front porch or brought us something. We got homemade salsa, pumpkin roll, nuts and fruit, lots and lots of cookies, lots and lots of candy, beautiful ham with all the fixings, a gigantic frozen turkey, breads, chocolates, etc, etc, etc. It was unreal and really fun!

It was a season of receiving for us. Normally, I hand make presents, and send out a million Christmas cards and honey, and donate money and gifts and all that stuff people do. This year, I was just so so so busy, I didn't hand make anything (except for Tyler's present) or even send out Christmas cards. My donating was pretty minimal and we didn't even hand out honey to our neighbors or mail any to friends. I hope next year we can give like we received this year, but right now, I am just going to enjoy the receiving and not guilt myself for being to busy to do what I normally do.

The day after Christmas, Tyler's dad took Tyler and the kids sledding. I stayed home and watched Gilmore Girls and made Kindle Covers. This is my busy craft time of the year because everyone got a Kindle for Christmas and everyone is looking for a cover. I started selling them so fast, I nearly ran out of stock. My marathon Kindle Cover day is already paying off. I had two in the mail Saturday and two in the mail this morning. It will be fun to do grocery shopping today and use only money I made making Kindle Covers.

I got myself two presents the day after Christmas that I am very excited to make use of. First, I got Gbemi's book 8th GRADE SUPER ZERO. I can hardly wait to read it! She and I are agent sisters and craft friends and I think she is just great! I can't wait to read her book! For anyone who is interested, it officially comes out in just a few days, but if I got it already, that means you can too! :) Also, I bought myself a nice pair of Skull Candy ear buds for my iPod. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love wandering around walking in the mountains or just in the neighborhoods listening to music. I can't wait until I have a few minutes to go out and enjoy my fancy new earphones. They sound so good!

Well, there have been so many good things lately, I can't do them justice in one long rambley blog entry. It has been a good few weeks, and it was a lovely Christmas! I hope you all have had a lovely few weeks and a wonderful Christmas as well!

Merry Christmas!

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 16:20:39 GMT

I hope you are all having a wonderful day! We are.

Here is our tree last night:

Here is what I made Tyler. It's a steampunk Kindle Cover:

Here is the present I've been so excited about, I could hardly keep myself from opening it early. Fortunately, I made it all the way to Christmas morning.

It's only 9:30 AM and already it's been a great day. We get to have the whole day with just our family. That's my favorite kind of Christmas of all. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Nineteenth century kids have all the fun

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:23:19 GMT

Yesterday I was at my favorite store in the world Anthropologie, and I found a little gem buried between handmade goats milk soaps and mercury glass candle holders. It's a reproduction card game from the 1850s called The Cottage of Contentment.

It reminds me of a toned down, less violent Struwwelpeter. I'm still not exactly sure the object of the game other than making a group of kids get together and behave.

Here is a page from Struwwelpeter where we see the natural consequence of a kid sucking his thumb when his parents told him not to:

I don't know why, but I totally get a kick out of those weird nineteenth century guilt/terror based unabashedly didactic "fun" products for kids. Here is one of the steps in the directions of the Cottage of Contentment Card Game:

"IV. The next player is to put the connecting card down. For example, Fanny Fastidious took offense at Richard Rough so Richard Rough will next place his card down and this time Peter Placid will recite the moral as before directed. Thus Felicia Amiable and Peter Placid alternate reciting the morals." What kid wouldn't have a blast playing that!

Here are the two moral children from the Cottage of Contentment. Their purpose is to demonstrate "excellent behavior" and promote "so much mirth and good feeling amongst the party of visitors."

Here are some of the immoral children. I especially love the angry guy.

Here is one of two morality cards that lists how not to behave and how it makes you and everyone else miserable when you behave that way--always a fun way to start a party game.

I love the illustrations. I love the confusing, very detailed and extremely preachy directions. I just love it all! I'm not sure we will ever play it. I'm not sure I can even figure out how, but I can't stop looking at it and giggling.

I wish they had two decks of cards on the clearance table because these would make AMAZING supplies for Etsy projects! Alas, there was only one. Possibly, I am experiencing the immoral feelings of gluttony or covetousness by wanting more than one deck, but I'll deal with the consequences and hopefully they won't be as severe as a kid who has the audacity to suck his thumb.

Dreams

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 22:11:24 GMT

I've been feeling a little impatient with things lately. Tyler's business is slow right now. We knew it was a slow time of year for law so it isn't a surprise, but it's not super fun. We are still on unemployment and Cobra, but neither will last much longer and we need to be really on our feet to cover all our self-employed expenses. He has been "out of work" for seven months now. He is still applying for jobs, but treating it like he is just going to stick with his own practice. We still have savings from my book deal so don't worry. It's just the uncertainty that's hard, not so much the financial stuff--hopefully, it stays that way.

The other day, I was listening to NPR and they were talking about signs that the recession might be ending. For some reason, I had forgotten that our situation is temporary. It's been so long that I just got used to that uncertain feeling. Tyler's business WILL pick up or he WILL find a job with a firm. It may take a long time for either, but one of them is going to happen.

Last night, I had a nice dream. I don't know about dream interpretation, but it seemed to me like a sign of good things to come.

I dreamt we moved to a new house. It was in a place that was very lush and green and pleasant. The house was large and clean. It was light yellow and white. It had a big yard full of tidy thick green grass and beautiful fragrant fruit trees in various stages of bloom. Inside, there were lots of bright, airy, clean rooms and interesting little areas. Our bedroom was large and white. Over the bed, there was a cut out in the wall and two trees were reaching in. There was a dogwood in full bloom reaching it's branches over the foot of our bed, and an olive tree with ripening olives, spreading branches over the head of our bed.

The dream had such a restful, peaceful, almost delightful feeling that I woke up with a little spark of hope. it's been a long time since I've had that feeling, even when intellectually I know perfectly well that things will all work out--and they are already firmly on the road to do just that. Even though I "know" it, I've forgotten how to "feel" it.

It seemed like a reminder to me that things can be bright, clean, peaceful and prosperous. I'm not sure if I believe in omens of the future coming in dreams or not, but if there are, maybe this was one. I hope we are in the Winter of our waiting and it is just about to be Spring.

Either way, I need to get out of the house and go up to my mountains and enjoy and embrace the Winter--literally and metaphorically and remember what it's like to delight.

Christmas is kicking my #@$

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 22:53:45 GMT

I did it again. I waited until less than two weeks before Christmas to even start thinking about what I need to do. For some reason, I was under the illusion that I'd get to it when things got closer to Christmas and consequently less busy. So yeah, it was an illusion--maybe a delusion, whatever it was, I'm foggy, exhausted and ready to sit on the couch with the kids and watch movies for a few days.

I've been a little overwhelmed with keeping up with my revision (which I'm still on schedule), taking care of the family, paying the bills, running the errands, taking care of the house (actually, I've pretty much given up on this one), and everything else. I'm getting very tired--and my family is getting lame presents as a result.

We started Christmas shopping a few days ago and sent out packages yesterday. Sorry, family that is getting packages from us, presents from us aren't that great this year. I have a lot of our presents this year, but not everything--I don't even know what I'm getting for my husband yet. I'm open for suggestions--actually, I'm pretty desperate for them so if you have any, please let me know.

Brain-fry is the best way to describe how I feel right now. I've been working hard on my revision and keeping up with all the details of the season, and the combination is making me cloudy and and feel like I'm in the early stages of Alzheimer's or something.

That's about where I'm at right now. It took me an hour to write this entry. My brain is a squeaky, rusty old door that refuses to open--or even move. Sheesh. I need a nap. I'm going to go lay on the couch and watch a show about psycho chihuahuas with my kids who just got home from school. I love Christmas time--even when it's too busy. I am happy the kids are off school and we can all relax together and have some fun. Have a nice evening, all!

Week of the Broken House

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 16:07:45 GMT

Our poor house. This week everything has broken. Fortunately, Tyler is very handy and has a knack for seeing what needs to be done and doing it. Seriously, thank heavens!

It all started at the beginning of the week. We came home from somewhere and I went to the laundry room and the floor was all wet. It had soaked a little into the carpet, but not into the walls, but it looked like it had, at one time, covered most of the floor.

After some investigation, Tyler realized that there must have been some kind of neighborhood back up and that water had just spontaneously come up through our floor drain. Nice. Her cleaned it up and that was the end of that--or so we thought.

The next day, it still smelled wet and musty so I opened the laundry room window. That night I got up at three in the morning and the bathroom sink wouldn't turn on. I woke Tyler and he checked it out and found that cold air came in through the open window and froze the pipes. He stayed up all night thawing them.

The next day everything worked except our bathroom faucets. Tyler realized that a big chunk of debris from the thawing had clogged up a little cartridge thing in the tub faucet, so he broke it apart and replaced the cartridge. Problem solved--mostly.

Well, by later that day, the bathroom sink still didn't work and for some reason, the drain had also totally stopped. Tyler got in there and replaced the faucet entirely and the drain and it works better now than it ever had. We thought we were finished.

Last evening, I noticed the heat was off. It turns itself off several times a day and at night so this was nothing new. I went down and flipped the switch and all the things we've learned to do these past winters in this house. This time, though, nothing happened. It's a picky heater and when this happens, Tyler has learned several tricks to make it go, but none of those worked. He realized the motor had totally bit the dust.

I often complain that this house is so hot. It's like night vision goggles searching out any little bit of light and concentrating it by a hundred--only in this case it is heat not light. That characteristic came in handy last night. It really is the warmest house in the history of mankind. Ellen and I bought a few little cheap space heaters from Walmart and we put them in bedrooms and in the kitchen/livingroom area. At first, it was too much and we kept blowing fuses--which is fun because the fuse box is outside and it was 0 degrees last night. Our electricity in this house is kind of funny that way. It was made in 1948 and can handle 1948 worth of drain. After a while, we got it right.

At three in the morning, I woke up and had to turn most of the heaters off because it was so hot in the house. We still have them off (all of them now) and it is very warm and comfortable. I'm not sure how that's possible considering it is probably like 5 degrees outside and our windows are so drafty, that the blinds are blowing in the breeze.

We won't be able to get the furnace fixed until Monday, but we will be just fine. Poor Tyler, he has had his work cut out for him. Poor bank account, we can only wonder what's next and how much will it cost.

The nice thing about all this is that any one of those things could have been a disaster, but at best they have been an annoying inconvenience that were soon remedied. No burst pipes, no freezing cold house, no exploding water fixtures or anything of the kind. I just made up that last one for dramatic effect, but still, you get the idea.

Well, I hope in a few days when the furnace is fixed that we are done, but after this week, I'm not going to count on it.

Happy Agent Appreciation Day!

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 23:44:34 GMT

Thanks for everything, Erin! Some of the best moments of my life so far have been a result of your hard work! Have a wonderful day!

December So Far

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 23:20:16 GMT

Blogging has been on the backburner lately. I'm not sure why, it's just that way. Here are some of the things that have been going on at our house:

Here is the snow we got at the beginning of the week. It's been really cold so nearly every flake is still in place. It's really pretty!

Here is the dollhouse in progress. It makes a big--BIG mess in the living room when I work on it, so I hope it doesn't take me too long to finish it. Since the stuff in the photo is all I have done, I think I've got a while.

We have been to several Christmas events like a big live nativity thing run by my in-laws. It was nice because they set it in a little canyon that is so beautiful. They had a staff of like 100 people and pretty much made a small city complete with camels and sheep and goats and shops and everything. Tyler was a centurion at the opening of the canyon. He loved dressing up in the costume and visiting with everyone.

The only problem was that it was like 0 degrees, but it was worth it.

Today, we got a package from my parents with Christmas gifts. My mom sent me an extra package with three of my favorite toys from when I was a very little girl. It was so fun to get it!

This is Sally, Sally's Mother and Chickabape.
I think it's kind of cute I named a doll Sally's mother. My brother Matt had a blue rabbit that was best friends with Chickabape. It's name was Rababbit. He threw it on the roof when we were like four our five years old and that was the end of Rababbit. I chewed off Sally's mother's fingers (I chewed on EVERYTHING when I was a kid) and I did surgery on Chickabape so she no longer plays music. Sally's hair has been like that ever since I remember. I wonder what it originally looked like. I'm so glad my mom saved these toys all these years.

I've also been working on my revision. I started again this week to add what I learned about the characters last week. The first fifty pages flew by, but now it's getting tougher. Today I put it away and started watching Gilmore Girls DVDs I got from the library. I've actually never seen the show, but I've been meaning to get to it. I really like it so far. I think it will be a nice escape during the too-busy Christmas season.

Well, that's a bit of what's going on here. December is so busy, it's hard to squeeze everything in, and I'm a bit worn down with it all. I'm pretty much ready for a vacation--by myself or with girlfriends where I don't have to deal with stressed out kids or stressed out spouses or anyone's problems and my only job is to have fun and regroup and get filled back up. I could really go for some of that right now. Maybe I'll pull out the dollhouse tonight and watch a few more episodes of Gilmore Girls.

I am happy. :)

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 00:33:26 GMT

The past three days, there have been some changes that have all lead to happiness. None of them seem like a big deal, but they are a big deal to me.

1.) I have been struggling with my revision. I am moving the plot along and I was back on schedule to finish my revision by my self-imposed deadline, but the thing is, I didn't know the characters so it was really flat.

I started praying and working and trying to figure out these characters--after all, a person can't write a character driven story if there are no real characters to drive it. Another thing is, I started this book in the first place with the idea that it would be a fun book to write--a treat for me as a writer after all the hard stuff of writing Palace Beautiful. I wanted to go all out in the atmospheric, romantic (not in the love sense), and humor departments. I've done a lot of those things, but the thing that I was missing was the humor. I thought about stealing a character from a book I wrote earlier because she was so funny and so fun to write, but it didn't seem right. I wasn't sure where the humor was going to come from.

Well, the other night, I was at Writer Girl's Group and I started having flashes about the supporting characters in my book. Then someone mentioned nuns. Suddenly, with the word "nun," it all started flowing. No, my MC isn't a nun at all, but it triggered some things I needed to know about her, and best of all, she's funny.

The next morning I woke up and three scenes popped into my head. They were all character sketches of various people in the book and the scenes were all funny! I went to the library later that day and wrote them out. I loved them so much, I called my daughters to me and read them what I wrote. I NEVER do that. If I can pull this off, the fun is back in writing this book. The only thing is, now I have to go back and start again, now that I know more about the characters. I probably won't make my self-imposed deadline, but I'll have to see. It will be worth it.

2.) Snow. Yesterday, it started being winter. We have already had a bit of snow here and there, and this wasn't a big snow, but this was a December snow so it was the real deal. I love snow. I love winter--especially in our neighborhood. There are less gunshots (at least our windows are closed and we can't hear them as much), less fireworks at our across the street neighbor's house. There is less all night screaming by said neighbors (at least they do it inside and not outside where we can hear it all). It isn't hot all the time, it is just warm and cozy. It is just much more comfortable. I love all the little granny houses in our neighborhood decked out with Christmas lights and the smells of holiday baking. It is quite a lovely neighborhood in winter.

Yesterday, the girls and I had a girls day. We went to the library and on the way, we stopped at a huge mansion built in the mid 1800s. I've always been curious about the place and when we drove by, we saw there was an open house. It was awesome! The house was five stories and just huge and full of wonderful original details. It was such a fun thing to do in winter--standing on the top floor of a huge empty mansion looking out the flowing 150 year old glass watching snow fall over Salt Lake City. After the open house and the library, we went to lunch and it just seemed more fun because it was snowing outside.

On the way home, it was really slick. It was the most dangerous driving snow I've even been in--EVER. I lost control of the car at least five times and crashed into curbs. Fortunately, I didn't crash into any houses or cars, but I did a fair amount of spinning and sliding, and the girls did a fair amount of screaming, so, that part of snow I'm less crazy about. It was a good exercise in winter driving, though. I kept my cool and there was no damage.

3.) Nursery. I've been our ward nursery leader for over two years now. I was totally burned out a year ago. I got where I started feeling starved at church. There are callings where a person is giving and callings where a person is receiving and most callings are a bit of both. This one, even though I LOVE kids and it was fun to work with them, was a giving calling. I ran out of stuff to give last year and I've been running on empty since. I asked to be released a long time ago, but our old bishop said that's not how they do things in this ward and I got the feeling I may be in there for 15 years like the lady before me. It was really depressing. It felt like tradition was way more important in our ward than what the Spirit wanted for us.

Well, a couple of months ago, we got a new bishopric. The second week they were there, they called me to be Camp Director for the teenage girls and called new people to work in nursery. I was so glad. A bunch of things that were stuck and mouldering in the dust in our ward with our old bishopric started to change and things started getting shaken up and it already feels so much better! I used to cry on Sundays because I didn't have the energy to do my calling, but I had to anyways. Also, I was very lonely. It gets old never seeing other grown ups except the other couple of people in the nursery. Church was a big part of my social life and it was gone for years.

Today, they decided the new nursery leaders know the ropes and I was free to go on to grown up classes. I loved it! I got to go to Sunday School with my husband and Relief Society with my friends and it was so refreshing. Normally, right now I'd be sleeping in my post-nursery crash, but right now, I feel all filled up and ready for the week. It's been years since I've felt like this!

Well, that was longer than I expected. Sorry, those of you who slogged all the way through. I just had to share because I am so happy about all of these things.

Revision, Tech Support and The Godfather

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 23:01:50 GMT

So, I've been living in revision-land the past few weeks. Last week, there was so much going on, I didn't get much done at all. This week, I'm trying to make up for it. It is kind of working--kind of.

I'm at the point in my revision where it seems like the dumbest book ever. The characters are flat and uninteresting. They are basically bookmarks that should say, "insert character here." The story is a long string of repetitive pointless events desperately trying to get from point A to point B. I keep getting confused what B actually is. The writing in the first few dozen pages is really nice, but the further a person goes, the more it all falls apart. I wanted to have a non-embarrassing draft to my editor by Christmas, but right now it's a wreck and I'm just praying for a Christmas miracle.

Whenever I write a book, I always get to this point (several times). It seems like I always need something--some little flash that makes it all interesting and congruent. I'm ready for that flash. I hope it comes soon. It is always simple--like the phrenology in West of Ideal or Bella's opening line in Palace Beautiful, but it always makes me see so much clearer and alters the character of the book. I feel like a flash is immanent, but I can't control or decide when or where it comes. I just have to sit down and plug away and stay open. I hope my flash respects my self-imposed deadlines. It usually does--but not always. The flash pretty much always has to do with character, though. I hope it does this time as well. I don't know any of them and I'm ready to see what they're all like. It's hard to make a character driven story when a person doesn't know the characters.

Last week I also occupied my time trying to figure out how in the world to do my website. The thing that was hardest was figuring out how to apply my domain name to the host site. Nothing was working because I had no idea what I was doing. An hour ago, I finally called tech support. It took the guy like 10 minutes to walk me through it all and fix everything. I should have done that a week ago instead of wasting hours and hours trying to figure it all out. It won't be all the way on line for another 24-48 hours, but this time, it should work for good.

Today, I haven't written yet because my brain was too tired. I sat down and crocheted and watched some of "The Godfather." I've never seen it before and I've been watching it in installments for a few days now. I need to do it in installments because it is WAY too violent for me. I want to see what happens, but sheehs! I'm not tough enough for this kind of movie, no matter how brilliant it is. I'll have to watch "Little Women" or something next to restore my faith in mankind.

I think I might pull out my revision and see what happens. Fingers crossed.

I hope you are all having a nice week. Have a lovely evening!

I totally heart my website!

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 01:13:38 GMT

Okay, I've been working on my website for a week or so now. The lovely people at Verla's helped me by making suggestions on looks and function (there are still a few of their suggestions I need to follow, but it is mostly there). My dad helped me by getting it to work with my domain name (it might be another day or two before it officially goes over to my regular domain name, but at least it's in the process). Mostly, I have been tweaking and tweaking and taking photos and editing them and deleting them and taking more and writing this and fixing that and wondering how the heck am I going to make this not silly looking.

As of this afternoon, I officially love it! There are still two blank pages to be filled, but all the rest is up and running. I loved adding my own photos for the elements. The wooden desk-looking background of each page is from my kitchen table. The buttons in the border background are the buttons I made a few months ago--thanks to Tami at Verla's for the idea. I put little pieces of art and writing I did as a kid to make it accessible to my MG audience.

I wanted to make a website that has the feel of opening an old box a person might find hiding in an attic, and seeing what's inside. But not have it be so old fashion, it wouldn't be appealing. I hope it appeals to MG girls and their parents--and their librarians. ;) I don't know anything about computers or web design so I had to use moonfruit.com and do the cut and past, template thing, but I think it worked out very nicely.

Here is the photo I used for the border background of some of my handmade buttons:

I'm told if you don't have Flash, all the elements will be lost so I hope you all have Flash (whatever the heck that is).

To see the site:

the current temporary address is: sarahdefordwilliams.moonfruit.com

The permanent address (that should work in a day or two) is: sarahdefordwilliams.com

Thanksgiving and Other Stuff

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 20:12:34 GMT

I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving! We did. On Thanksgiving day we had dinner at Tyler's dad's house. It was a pleasant, low-key evening--just the way I like it.

The next day my parents and one of my brothers came to visit. It was a lot of fun! I don't get to see them very often so we squeezed a lot into our short visit. I had a great time.

It was an intense week of cleaning, followed by an intense couple days of visiting, now to be followed by an intense month of Christmas and revisions.

This past week and a half there have been so many things to attend to, I haven't worked on my revision. I think it is good for me to have a very productive couple of writing weeks, then a week or so off to let things stew and to get my mind unhooked so it can process things. I just picked it up again today and it felt good. I'm behind, though. I hope I can have a really good couple of writing weeks starting with what I just wrote today.

The kids come home from school soon and I promised to take them to the dollar store. We started a tradition last year that on the day we put up our tree (which is always Nov. 30) we have a dollar store Christmas party where we each buy everyone a dollar present and we put them under the tree and open them. We will probably also have treats and watch that old musical "Scrooge" that is dumb but somehow compelling and was my favorite when I was little.

Also, I used some of my Kindle Cover money and bought this for Charlotte and I:

She and I have always wanted to build a dollhouse together and I thought it might be a nice diversion for the Christmas season so I don't drown in revisions, extra holiday duties, concerts, practices, parties, etc, etc, etc. I guess I needed a kind of zen introversion project and that was purely for fun and not practical or useful in any way. By the way, if any of you are looking for great dollhouse kits, Overstock.com sells them for half the price of anywhere else for the exact same items. And they only charge like a dollar for shipping even though our kit weighs 35 pounds and is enormous. Just a note.

Well, I better get a bit of rest before our party tonight and the shopping that needs to happen before it. I feel like there should be 48 hours to each day in December to fit everything in.

I hope you are all having a lovely day and a good start to the holiday season.

Tuesday.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 01:56:45 GMT

The past few days, I've been a bit under the weather--not much, just enough that I don't have anything thrilling to say. I've been spending a lot of time on the computer and reading and crocheting and yoga and all that totally exciting stuff. It's fine for me, but pretty boring for you to read about.

Today I was sick of being home. Charlotte had to miss a few days of school last week and I stayed home with her, then I didn't feel well and stayed home some more. Today, I figured I was well and I went to my regular temple day. Well, I wasn't better. Half way through the session, I felt like I was going to faint, so I got up and the workers got me water and all that. I had to go home and miss the rest of the session. I'm not even that sick, I guess I just needed more rest.

Well, while I've been resting, I've been building a website. It's going pretty well. It's my first try so I'm sure the design will evolve as I learn more about all of this. Right now I think it's a bit busy and messy, but generally it's good so far. You can see it here: sarahdefordwilliams.com Well, probably. Sometimes today, the server at the hosting site was down and no one could see it. It isn't finished yet. Some of the pages say things like, "insert text here," and eventually, I will.

That's really all. I'm sitting on the couch watching The Office with Tyler, listening to the kids going nuts downstairs. I have no idea what they're doing. The vacuum is on, but it sounds like they are having much more fun than is reasonable for cleaning. Hmm.

Happiness is...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:36:42 GMT

* Going to Writer Girls Group last night. It is always nice, but last night was especially nice! I love those girls!

* Spending a few hours this morning with my daughters. We went to Target, World Market and Red Mango. We had a great time window--and non-window shopping, talking and spending time together. I love going to shops when Christmas stuff is up--especially with the girls. Some Christmas things I like because I like them, but somethings--like the following--I like for it's utter absurdity that can only happen during the most wonderful time of the year.

I took these photos a week or so ago at Walmart. Here is an assortment of mass produced, cardboard protected, ethnically diverse Christs:

Here is a heartwarming little ceramic building overflowing with the true spirit of Christmas:

* Going to get German food with Simon. We went to a restaurant he goes to with his friends. I love seeing one of his haunts. We both got weinersnitzle (however you spell it). It was hardy and satisfying. We got some German candy at the market in the restaurant and had a nice time visiting and laughing. Tyler and I struck the jackpot in the kid department. They are good kids and so much fun. Simon and I have a very similar sense of humor and I spent a good part of our time this evening cracking up. It's so fun to have teenage kids to do things with. He's such a great guy.

* Reading "Wives and Daughters." Once again, I have to say that I am passionately in love with my Kindle. One thing it helps me do is read very long books. There are a lot of books I knew I would love, but when I pick them up in the bookstore and fan through their 1000 pages, I get intimidated and put them back--even when they are easy reading, like Dickens and Gaskell. With my Kindle, all books are the same size and it helps me be able to read books that I might not in paper-print. I started "Wives and Daughters" the other day and it is just what I need right now--fun, funny, interesting and just meaty enough to keep my interested. Ah, English literature. How I missed you. Sigh. Will you marry me? Yes, I know I only read a book or two between Victorian English novels, but I never stray long. I always come home, beautiful Britain.

* Being home and knowing we still have the rest of the weekend to rest and regroup and relax together.

The Louvre and the Universe

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:00:21 GMT

A few minutes ago, I was hula hooping (yes, Tres elegante) and watching a show about Paris. I am still on my being-French kick, but I'm getting a bit tired of the French now. I'm ready to go back to the English-kick where I usually am. Anyway, I was watching this show on Paris and they said that if a person spends three seconds--yes, seconds--in front of each piece of art in the Louvre, 24 hours a day, it would take three months to see everything. That's three seconds, twenty-four hours a day, for three months! The thing is, that was exactly how big it felt.

I took this photo in my first few days of being in Paris. It is just one little part of the museum.

I need to go on a trip again. I hope my book sells overseas so I have an excuse to travel more (and have some of it paid for). Since I didn't go back to school this semester, the kids say I don't have very exciting things to say when we are talking about our days. It's true. I used to tell them about things I learned in class like the culture of poetry and wilderness in ancient China, playing games in French Class, what part of the world we were studying in Art History and how our mountains were formed in Geology. Now I say things like, "I woke up and I read my scriptures, ate breakfast, exercised and got myself ready for the day. Then I wrote and cleaned out my closet." Wow!

Here I am walking down the main stairway at the Louvre. I'm the girl in the blue shirt and black jacket. The Nike of Samothrace is behind me. I just loved her!

Don't get me wrong. I like the peace--a lot! I have had plenty of stress and change and tough stuff to deal with this past year--especially my stupid panic problem, not to mention we are still on unemployment and our future job situation is still unclear. I guess I really am getting better, though, because I am finally starting to get itchy feet for an adventure. I guess that means I am feeling more myself every day.

It was good that I didn't go back to school because this revision is intense and it is going to stay intense until Spring. But, Im ready to have some fun and feed my spirit again. I am afraid to ask the Universe for it, though, because I'm afraid it will translate to more unstable job/health/life stuff again. By "adventure" Universe, I mean "fun" and "nourishing," not "character-building" and "humbling."

Here is the Venus di Milo. She had always been a symbol of kitch to me until I saw her in real life. She was astounding and one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. We went right to her as soon as the museum opened, so we could enjoy her without too much of a crowd.

I think my health is recovered enough that I am almost ready to have an adventure again--almost. I'm sure it will happen when I am all the way ready. I hope that's soon. I wish, though, that it was possible to teleport so I could blink my eyes, be in Paris, and spend this afternoon at the Louvre. That's what I really want to do today. Off to clean the hall closets.

Writing Writing Writing

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 04:42:27 GMT

This morning I went out writing with Emily. It was really fun to write with a friend. I did twice the work of a regular writing day!

We started out at a coffee shop near my house that also happens to be the Utah Gay Pride Center. I've wanted to write there before, but I wasn't sure...well...I guess...that I was invited. It turns out, I WAS invited, and it was a really fun place.

The problem was, it was really small and really packed with kids. It was hard to pay attention to writing when there were so many people talking and saying such interesting and funny things, and I am so ADD. Emily was distracted, too, so we decided to leave and go to a library in the Avenues. That worked great. It was quiet and the tables were big enough for us to spread out all our papers.

All together we wrote for around two and a half hours and I got 20 pages done--yes 20 pages! Plus I had the bonus of pleasant company. I really liked how it all worked out. I hope we can write together more often.

I've been working really hard on my revision. I've been so diligent, that my house is falling apart. It is a huge mess. Tomorrow, I am giving myself a writing break so I can concentrate on getting things done in my physical world, like laundry and organizing. I'm tired of the mess. Apparently, I can't work on a big revision and keep my house clean at the same time. I really need a maid. Actually, I just need to spend more time on my house because a maid can't organize my closet. I need to reorganize the systems before I can keep things clean again. I may need to take a couple of days off.

I'm going to go now and work on some Kindle covers so I can clean up the big pile of craft stuff in my living room. I need to get rid of the clutter, sit on my couch and crochet. Actually, I think I REALLY need that. Good night, all.

Palace Beautiful ARC Giveaway

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:16:22 GMT

Sharon Loves Books and Cats is holding a Palace Beautiful ARC giveaway at her blog. If your interested, click here. Good luck!

http://www.sharonlovesbooksandcats.com/2009/11/contest-for-palace-beautiful-by-sarah.html

SCBWI Conference

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 05:29:31 GMT

Today I attended my first writer conference--ever. Yes, I have never attended a conference, convention or anything of the sort related to writing before. It was a blast!

It all started last night at a dessert social at an art gallery here in Salt Lake City. The nice part was that I carpooled with my wonderful writing friend Emily. I get sometimes nervous when I have to be mingle-y and small talk-y. It was nice to start off with a friend, and as I warmed up, work my way around the room. I did it. I mingled, made small talk and enjoyed myself.

It is always easier to enjoy myself when Emily, Brodi, Matt and Bree are there so I know I already have friends to talk to when I have one of those awkward moments when I don't know what to do with myself. I had less of them than I expected and I had fun. I wish I'd brought my camera. Wait, I did, but I didn't take any photos. Actually, there was one that someone took of us with it, but I looked so bad, I deleted it.

This morning, I got up early. I was excited about going to a conference and hanging out with writers all day long. I decided I was going to be French and make sure I looked well put together. I wore a comfortable, but nice outfit, make up and accessories and my favorite shoes. I packed lip gloss and powder for touch ups and I was all ready to look like a professional--a French professional.

The problem was, with all that vanity, I got distracted, and when I got to the conference and in my chair, I realized I had forgotten to bring a notebook. So yeah. The whole point of the conference. Apparently, I can't be pretty and smart at the same time.

The first speaker of the day (and I think the best) was Elizabeth Law. She was funny, smart and a really good speaker. She talked about the road to publication and it was nice to hear it from an editor's point of view. I tried to take notes on my little pad of paper I keep stashed in my purse, but that wasn't enough. Fortunately, our library has shops in it. I snuck out of her talk and ran--literally--down stairs and shelled out $12 for a $2 notebook. See what my vanity costs me?! Then I ran back up stairs and transferred my notes.

The next speaker was Kendra Marcus. She spoke about agents. It was interesting, but I already have an agent--the best agent ever (no, I'm not bragging, it is just a fact). She talked really quiet and I actually didn't hear a lot of her talk, but it seemed pretty good from what I could hear.

The next session was about illustrating so Emily, Bree, Brodi and I went to a cafe downstairs and visited. I liked that part better than the classes. I have met with all of these girls on many occasions now, but I still feel like we are just getting to know each other. It felt like today, we did some nice clicking. After that we all went back up to the conference room and had lunch together.

After that, there was a talk about writing for boys. I was quite interested in this one seeing as how my books are pretty much as girly as books can be. I thought learning how to add maybe even some hints of the masculine might give it some depth or something. Well, I don't think I'll be writing for boys anytime soon. Every time the speaker told us what we need to do, it was the exact opposite of what I do--seriously, the EXACT opposite. It turns out the guy giving the talk was a guy I talked to for a long time the night before at the social because we are both with Putnam. I didn't know he was a speaker. The kind of funny thing is, he quoted me a few times in his speech. So yeah. I better watch what I say to people or they might be telling it to all the children's book writers in Utah and southern Idaho. It got me thinking about what boys want in writing as opposed to girls. I'm still thinking about it.

The next talk was on synopsis writing. I would probably have benefited from that class because I pretty much stink at synopsis writing (except for the one I wrote for Artificial Night, but that was a fluke), but instead Emily and I played hooky and went to the cafe to visit. That was probably my favorite part of the conference. I've met a lot of kindred spirits since I've started pursuing writing as a career, but she is probably the one I have been able to relate the most to. I just love her and it was so fun to visit with her.

After that, Bree and some other ladies did a panel discussion on being newly published. I guess if they do it next year, I'll be on the panel. Cool! It was fun to hear what they all had to say. I was pretty tired by then, though. I'd lost all my French-ness and I was wilting. It was a lot for me to take in and, although I loved the social parts--didn't panic at all--I was ready to go home and introvert for a bit.

I don't know why I was worried about panicking because of all the social stuff or so much information and all that. I did fine and had a great time. Maybe I really am getting over that weird panic thing that started happening to me a year ago. Finally! Today I got to listen, talk, laugh and listen, talk and laugh some more. It was fun. I'll for sure be going next year.

Sarah Goes Impossibly French

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 01:20:53 GMT

So, I've been having the blues off and on lately and Tyler suggested I stop immersing myself with Brontes and all the stuff I usually love to read in my free time and try something lighter. I agreed it might help lift my mood if I learn to read light stuff as well. The thing is, I'm just not in to light reading. I like the meat. That's the fun stuff for me, but I knew he was right. I got on my Kindle and looked up books in the totally foreign-to-me section--"humor" and I found this funny little gem. I think it's called How to be Impossibly French.

It is a book written by a British journalist who emigrated to France with her family and it is really cute. I'm still in the middle of it, but it's a quick read. When I went to France two and a half years ago, I was amazed how utterly beautiful the women were. It wasn't just how they did their make up or hair or what clothes they wore, it was how they walked and how the held themselves, and somehow it all looked effortless and natural. This book is about that--the clothes, make up, aire of confidence and all those things that make a French woman French.

Here is a photo I took in the window of a hat shop near our hotel in Paris:

Yesterday I decided I was going to be French. I was going to make myself beautiful and go out and be beautiful--because that is what you do when you are French, according to this author. So I did. I made sure I was clean, had tastefully simple make up on, fixed my hair, and put on flattering clothes and cute shoes with the right accessories. I even bought new lip gloss to be extra French. Then I went out. All I could think to do was run errands because, well, I'm American and if we aren't working or doing something useful and practical, we don't know what to do with ourselves. So I did something practical and was beautiful while doing it.

At first it felt great. I even tried to take photos of me because I looked so good, but the camera was at my husband's office so you'll just have to use your imagination. I told myself I looked beautiful and walked the way I learned when I was in Paris. It felt good to just be confident and move confidently and gracefully. I did like the author of the book said and checked my make up often, and kept aware of my body. After about an hour or two, though, I got sick of me. A person has to constantly be thinking about themselves and their body, and what they look like, and how they are carrying themselves, and if their new lip gloss is just right. Sheesh! I'm not cut out for that kind of self-awareness.

According to the book, if I was being truly French, I'd have to scope out all the women I see and compare to see who is the most beautiful, and if she is prettier than me, I was supposed to hate her. I didn't do that part. That was too far for me. I would also have to scope out their husbands and see if I would consider having an affair with them. Don't worry, I didn't to that part either. That was kind of easy, though, because I mostly went to craft stores.

One thing I can take from the book is permission to love black. I adore wearing black. I wear it almost everyday--heck I'm wearing it right now. She talked about how French women like dressing in black and cream. I can do that--and I DO do that, and I went to the store today and bought even more of it. I am getting to be a better shopper all the time. I never knew how to buy clothes for myself, but this year, with my book deal, we have had a bit of extra for me to experiment with. I have begun to really learn my style, and my shopping is now more productive and I can find what works best faster and more affordably. I may actually be a stylish person one day. That part of me is turning French-er all the time.

Today, when I went clothes shopping, I thought I should try and be French again, but I just didn't have the energy, so I went to the store in a greasy ponytail, wearing a men's sweater I bought last year at Wal Mart. I did wear my best trousers and my favorite heels, because they make the sweater look almost cute (almost), and I bought some great black clothes and some very cute black accessories. I also remembered my make up and my new lip gloss, but I just didn't have the French pizzaz I had, until I got tired, yesterday. A person has to do it all the way or it doesn't work. A few elements just won't cut it.

For me, I'm not sure I would make a very good French woman for more than just looks. For one, I would have a hard time taking myself that seriously. I like to laugh and joke around and I don't often look around to compare myself to other women. I enjoy the company of other women and I don't care who is prettier or has more or who's husband is hotter. I probably wouldn't even notice. I'm happy with what I have. Besides, I have this thing were my feelings are always right on my face, just like a little kid. I can't hide anything. That is embarrassing to me sometimes because it is the opposite of suave and sophisticated, but that's just how I was made. I hope it's one of those traits that people find endearing rather than humiliating--I hope.

Here is a picture of me taking a photo of myself in a huge mirror at the Paris Opera House--a very unFrench thing to do, but I like it because, although it isn't sophisticated, it is a very Sarah thing to do.

One thing I love about the French beauty culture is how they treat aging. In America and in Britain, where the author is from, aging is something to be avoided and denied at all costs. We live in a cult-of-youth culture. We do Botox, plastic surgery and all that extreme stuff to pretend we aren't getting older because to us older means undesirable and unattractive. Well, in France, that is different. I saw so many older ladies, hunched over walkers and canes that were exquisitely beautiful and elegant women. The French believe that women are beautiful no matter their age. I sure hope this part of the culture stays just like it is. A French woman knows how to be a beautiful 20 year old, 50 year old and 80 year old. We could all take a lesson from that.

Well, that is all I have to say on the matter. I want to finish the book this weekend. It is a fun read. I'm going to have to try more fun reads. Maybe I will sit stylishly on my couch wearing black and cream, and lip gloss looking very chic with my new found humorous light reading material in hand. Tres Bien!